Stopping Traffic

“The public is silent when young women die.” charges Naomi Wolf, author of The Beauty Myth. 

I have just returned from an annual conference that I attend on Eating Disorders.  The conference, in its eleventh year, is sponsored by a few programs** who work together to form a strong, sensitive and progressive treatment network in central New York.     

Each year, near the end of the conference, a handful of individuals  in the recovery stage of their eating disorder are invited up to share some part of their story.  This is of course one of the most enlightening and always most emotional parts of the day.  The wisdom acquired in overcoming such a strong opponent is very deep and these very intelligent women articulate it beautifully.     

This day, a young woman in her mid-twenties, stood before the two hundred or more attendees, and shared that in the darkest days of her eating disorder, she almost walked into traffic–but only stopped herself because she felt it would be immoral to place such a horrible burden on whoever might have killed her.  To witness someone so young describe such a depth of despair was both bone chilling and deeply heart opening.  

On some level we know that there are people who are suffering from eating disorders, but essentially they are invisible.  However, when one is privy to the stories of those who have had one of these crippling conditions; and you couple that with statistics like one in 100 individuals has an eating disorder—it is imaginable that there are truly some “walking dead” amongst us. 

To offer some response to this young woman who had the courage to expose her pain and vulnerability and who has found the strength to persevere and to heal, I bring to this conversation– about the realities of eaters and eating– a  discussion about eating disorders.  I know that it does not do justice to the topic.  It is a contorted and rather incomplete version of something I have written before.  But, it seems a fitting time for me to introduce this part of the story.  In honor of that woman, and the four others who stood before me a few days ago, please consider the following. 

We may have seen or heard about someone who is nibbling on only lettuce and carrots at mealtimes; wearing heavy clothing in moderate temperatures; exhibiting extreme weight loss; exercising excessively or appearing listless at team practice or dance class.  But, to the inexperienced eye, even extreme physical changes or behaviors can be overlooked or ignored.  We may have even encountered someone who we suspected was suffering from an eating disorder, but we did not know what to do or say.  

Most definitely, we have all had dealings with eating disordered individuals whose behaviors escaped our radar screen.  The very nature of eating disorders is secretive and manipulative.  Average-weight or over-weight individuals may be suffering as much as their noticeably underweight counterparts; older persons as well as  younger ones; and  men as well as  women.  Compounding the issue is that in certain environments like high schools and college campuses—but in the larger world as well—there is a “culture of thinness”.  In such environments, underweight individuals can appear almost normal looking.  Responses to eating disorders can include, “oh, I wish I had that problem”, or “why don’t they just eat?” 

Even when we are cognizant and concerned about eating disorders, it is impossible to consider or measure the loss of potential and achievement, the degree of nutrient deficiencies, the magnitude of depression and anxiety, the potential for long-term health problems, and the possibility of sudden death from complications or suicide that eating disorders engender. 

Eating disorders tend to leave people feeling frustrated, confused and helpless.  Despite this normal reaction, it is really important that our society and our public health policy makers begin to better acknowledge, support and treat those with these disorders.  Without intervention, chances for a full recovery are slim for those with severe conditions.  

I have discussed my concern about the panicked way in which we are “battling” obesity.   For many, overeating is an eating disorder–as deserving of a very sensitive and holistic approach to care as does “undereating”.  We have the opportunity, and perhaps the obligation, to create an environment and dialogue that challenges the attitudes that make individuals feel bad about their bodies and that feed the medium in which all eating disorders thrive. 

We can only hear the wisdom of those who have confronted an eating disorder if we are very quiet.  If we can move the lens away from the obesity issue and reframe the disgust we harbor about fat, we may realize there is a gentler and more important conversation to be had about feeding, eating and nourishment. 

Frances Berg writes, “Our children, our daughters and sons, are growing up afraid to eat, afraid to gain weight, afraid to grow and mature in normal ways.  They are desperate to have the right bodies, obsessed with the need to be thin and fearful they won’t be loved until they reach perfection.  This is the point to which our weight-obsessed culture has brought us.  Our children are the innocent victims.”

**The Nutrition Clinic and Sol Stone www.solstonecenter.com; Clearpath Healing Arts Center www.clearpathhealingarts.com; Ophelia’s Place www.opheliasplace.org

www.justtellhertostopeating.com; www.bulimia.com gurze books

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4 thoughts on “Stopping Traffic

    • thanks, julie. good and enormous question. on the individual level i think we can all be very careful about how we talk about our own bodies and others–and to avoid negative and derogatory statements. from my work in this field, i think it is very important for men to learn to be very mindful of this. comments made to young girls by fathers, brothers, uncles, etc. seem to be one of the triggers that initiates a cascade of very serious consequences. but, that is not the only casue by any means. since you asked, on the activism level, i just learned of a new organization called moonshadowspirit that was recently started by a mother after the loss of her daughter. when trying to decide what to do to leave as a legacy for her daughter, she started this fund that offers need based financial assistance to individuals with an eating disorder diagnosis who are seeking treatment at residential facilites or intensive partial hospitalization program facilities. there has been a big struggle to get adequate insurance coverage for the very expensive treatment that is sometimes required. http://www.moonshadowspirit.org

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  1. Thank you for shedding some light on these deadly illnesses! It is so important as you say for health care providers to learn more about the red flags and how to refer for treatment and what the treatment options are. As we are learning, Binge Eating Disorder and Bulimia Nervosa are actually more prevalent than Anorexia Nervosa and yet many still do not know this fact.

    I’m so glad to see in the comments that the new organization called: moonshadowspirit exists as many many cannot afford the cost of traditional treatments. Fortunately we are seeing research about another option called: Maudsley Family Based Therapy which can complement traditional methods and shorten the duration of these illnesses.

    Thank you again for sharing your insights and helping to educate about these life threatening illnesses.
    Becky Henry
    Hope Network

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    • Becky, Thank you so much for these comments. They are especially appreciated as I see you are doing some wonderful work in this area. I am glad to be informed of your book Just Tell Her to Stop: Family Stories of Eating Disorders. You are addressing an often missed link in this lonely world of eating disorders. I encourage readers to check out your website http://www.justtellhertostop.com. Let’s keep this awareness growing. Elyn

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